Merry Sexy Saturnalia

Happy Sexy Solstice everyone! That's right people; today we're all joyously (right?) jumping into winter!!! AND, what IS our most wonderful time of the year? Saturnalia of course! Yepper, peppers, held in mid December, ISSSSS an ancient Roman Pagan festival honouring the agricultural god Saturn. Saturnalia celebrations WERE the source of many of the unwritten laws we NOW associate with Christ Mas. Never heard of it? Shit, Saturnalia, WAS the most prominent gone fishin day on the now obsolete Roman menology! At the end of the year, Rome WAS the place to party let me tell ya! Social norms went out the F***IN window as the city took on a rather, carnivalesque atmosphere. Excessive drinking, payloads of feasting, cross dressing, AND? SEXUAL ORGIES were a commonplace occurrence! Sounds like my kinda social gathering!!! Understand this grasshoppers!! The Heathen hullabaloo of Saturn, the Roman god of agriculture, AND, linear time, ALL BEGAN as a single SEXY day, BUT, (to set things straight) by the late Republic (that was around 133-31 B.C.) it had expanded to a week long field day beginning December 17th. On the Julian journal log, that the Boldfaced race used at the time; the Winter Solstice fell on December 25. So, how did our lineage Chariots of Fire actually rejoice Saturnalia anyway?? Well, during the Sexy Orgy Anniversary, which IS really what it WAS all about, daily elbow grease, AND, trade lines came to a F***IN halt! That's right people, blackboard jails, AND, the courts of constitutions closed down, AND, the normal social patterns WERE suspended!!!! People decorated their homes with wreaths, AND, other organic greenery, AND WHAT ELSE? Well, they stripped down their traditional togas in favour of a more, colourful way of life that's what! Even the slaves didn't have to salt mines during the bash, BUT, (lucky shit heads) WERE even granted to get in on the action of frolicking in the Sexy spree of it all! Check it out Loveaaasss! In some cases, they got to sit at the head of the table while their masters served them. Lol! Instead of drudging, the Romans spent Saturnalia layin down odds, chanting carols, showin off horny harmonies, eatin sumptuously, mingln around, AND, giving each other legacy tokens of whatever the hell they wanted, SEXUALLY that is!!! This glorification jubilee, WAS by far the jolliest Humanistic holiday IN HERSTORY!! BUT, (just to shed the light further) you must know that no number of pointy hats were gonna convince Christian Roman Emperor Theodosius I to let the wingding of Saturnalia continue right? Of course not!!! Between 389 and 391 AD, he promulgated the Theodosian decrees, by banning all Pagan activities (F***IN Asshole). Sooooo, christian monotheism, AND, monogamy WAS here to stay people! The idea was that he ruled over chaos, rather than the accustomed Roman rambunctious behaviour. IS CHRIST MAS REALLY A PAGAN HOLIDAY? Thanks to the Augustan Empire’s conquests in Britain, AND, the rest of Europe from the second century B.C. to the fourth century A.D. along with their suppression of older seasonal rites practiced by the Celts, AND, other groups? Today’s Western cultures derived MORE THAN A FEW of their traditional carousals of midwinter FROM the ancient Classicistic Saturnalia shindig! The christian gala of Christ Mas, ESPECIALLY, owes a myriad of its heritage to the ancient Roman merrymaking, including the time of year Christ Mas is celebrated. The Bible doesn't even give a Goddess damn date for the birth of our Angel of Light; IN FACT? Some theologians have concluded that the stork flew probably in the spring, as suggested by references to shepherds, AND, sheep in the Nativity story. BUT, (movin onward and upward) by the fourth century A.D., Western christian crooked cross centers settled (that's all they've ever done is settle, lazy F***ERS) on celebrating Christ Mas on December 25, which allowed them to MERGE the red letter recurrence WITH Saturnalia, AND, other popular Polytheistic midwinter rituals! Look Love, Love, Loveaaasss; the Agnostics, AND, the dusty halo wearers co-existed (NOT always happily) during this era, AND, this likely represented an effort to just CONVINCE the remaining Impious Romans to openly accept christianity as Rome’s official religion. So, ya see! Christ Mas WAS NOT, as it turns out, what you thought it was! It WAS miraculously handed down as a fully formed Fiesta of Fun fully dressed with all the viddles, intoxicants, AND, remembrance write offs, BUT, (listen up) christianity CONVENIENTLY deleted the SEX OUT OF IT! They turned it into a rather rich tapestry woven from countless inexplicable, AND, POINTLESS customs of THEIR LIES!!!