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!!! All Of Yule !!!

Hey Yule Sexy Grasshoppers; prick up your amphitheaters!! 'Tis the Season to stock up that pile of thicket, yank out those heirloom recipes, AND, spread the gratitude of Yuletide! It all starts tomorrow for 12 days people, AND? There's no excuse NOT to set into motion your OWN unique, authentic tradition; especially with all the Herstory I've delivered to ya's thus far on what IS the ACTUAL meaning for this time of year! A few customs that MOST people UNCONSCIOUSLY engage in, AND, have NO GODDESS DAMN CLUE of why they even do it ISSSSSSS?

First off, The Herstory of the Yule Log cake, which stretches all the wayyyyyyy back to Europe’s Iron Age, before the Medieval Era. Back then Lovelies, Celtic Brits, AND, Gaelic Europeans would gather to welcome the Winter Solstice at December’s end. A whole heap of Sister's and brother's would feast to Celebrate the days finally becoming longer; signaling that the end of the Wintertide WAS sure to come! Soooooo, in order to cleanse the air of the previous year’s events, AND, to usher in the bird chirpin leap forward? Families would burn logs decorated with horny holly, aromatic pine cones, OR, sweet ivy. See any similarities yet?????

Wine, AND, salt were also often passed down to anoint the stumps of nature. Once the wooden legs were seared, the ashes were valuable treasures having medicinal benefits, AND, to guard against the vileness of evils! Some tribes vindicated that the ashes would protect the bearer from lightning; a pretty important quality, why? BECAUSE, it WAS a time my followers, when humble abodes (AND, most of the contents in them) WERE made of wood, LOL! The rule of thumb for scorchin the shit outta the Yulelide Rafters goes pretty much back to those original Nordic traditions.

Get this grasshoppers! Those Yule Blocks of Timber WERE originally a whole F***IN tree! Lol!!!! Yepper, peppers, it WAS carefully chosen, AND, brought into the dwelling with an extravagant PAGAN Parade, Epahhhhh!!! The largest end of the woodland piece would be placed into the fire hearth while the rest of the tree stuck out into the room! The backwoods clump would be lit from the remains of the previous year's woodlot which had been carefully stored away, AND, slowly fed into the fire throughout the next 12 days of Saturnalia! This WAS considered a crucial ordinance, AND? The re-lighting process HAD to be carried out by someone with immaculate grippers!! In Provence, the French Pagans traditionally had the whole famdamnly help cut the topiary down, AND, that a little bit WAS burnt each of the twelve night tides. If, by chance, there happened to be any tail-ends left over after the 12th witching hour, it WAS kept safe at the home plate until the next year's Ritual to protect against lightning! In some parts of The Netherlands, this WAS also done, BUT, (hello) the butt end had to be stored under a bed! In some Eastern European countries, the Saturnalia Stub was cut down on the Eve of the expanded Festivals morning arrival, then lit that evening.

Let's hike off to the UK shall we! The Yule Log there IS called The Mock, AND, it's dried out, stripped naked of its' bark before it comes into the rejoicing roost to be charred! The Brits also WERE barrel makers; giving as gifts to their customers, old limbs that they couldn't use anymore for making barrels for The Bole of Nativity! This form of habitude of the Yule Chunk of Trunk spread allllllll over Europe with a whole array of different species of timber used from the diverse countries. England, was traditionally Oak; Scotland, had its' beloved Birch; AND, while the French cherished their Cherry? They also sprinkled the chips off the ol' block with? Wine of course!!!! Before it was parched, those Romantic Frenchies baptized the driftwood by spritzing it up for an aromatic experience!!!

The Love, Love, Lovely luck of the Irish grasshoppers HAD large candles instead of discarded forestry, AND? T'was only lit on New Year's Eve, AND? That 12th dark twilight Loveaaasss!! Different things were salt and peppered onto the Sacred Sticks just like the Frenchies did with wine to make amazing ablazing different coloured flames! A LITTLE RISKAYYYYYYY! I'D SAY!! Ok my tribe; save those ashes for Spring planting; the potash IS that Spring fertilizer boosting plant life to new levels of vigor!!!! BUT, (note of caution) if you throw any of the slag out on the day of the 25th of December? Your next year WILL be full of catastrophic events! AS IF WE NEED ANY MORE, RIGHT?

Recycle your Yule!!!!

I GENUINELY wish ALL OF YULE an enlightened Festive Season!!!

See you next year; it's gonna be a doozyyyyyyy!!!


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